


If I drink enough I swear that I will wake up next to you

by SilverShadow1



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Firefly Music Festival, Flashbacks of breakup, Harry and Louis are both performers, Industry Power Couple, M/M, Music Festival, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 13:06:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15120026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverShadow1/pseuds/SilverShadow1
Summary: Harry and Louis were a music industry power couple that broke up. Now, Louis is attending Firefly Music Festival and is unaware that Harry is performing there until fans start freaking out on social media. Louis has things to get off his chest about the breakup all those years ago. Louis shows up at Harry’s concert to Harry’s shock and lead to a night where they realize how much they missed each other.ORWhere industry stress got to be too much for Harry and Louis, but one weekend changed everything.





	If I drink enough I swear that I will wake up next to you

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic? In less than a day? Let's be real, it's less likely than you think.
> 
> Requested by @AllTheLoveCoco on Twitter.

The sun beamed hot down on the festival grounds. All around, groups of friends and couples were lounging on the fields smoking. Others in the distance played frisbee or corn hole. Still, some were actually sat there listening to the music.

That was the reason why Louis decided to go to Firefly Music Festival that year. His mates had suggested that they go on a lads holiday and really, who was he to decline? He had released his most recent album a little over a year ago and needed a break from the industry.

Besides, he found most of his inspiration came from these authentic experiences. Sure, he enjoyed the glitz and glamor of Los Angeles at times. Even then, he preferred spending time with those closest to him who genuinely knew and cared about him.

“Where are the Arctic Monkeys playing?” Luke asked, exhaling smoke.

“I think at the Tree House,” replied Calvin. Oli shook his head.

“No, it’s definitely at the Pavilion.”

“You’re all idiots,” Louis snorted. “It’s the Firefly. Hold this.”

He handed Calvin his lighter. After a moment of fishing out his phone, he opened an app to look at the map.

“See? Firefly, I told you  —”

He got a notification from Twitter that sent his heart into arrhythmia.

 

_ I can’t believe @Harry_Styles is performing on Friday night! _

 

_ #UPDATE ll @Harry_Styles is playing @LiveAtFirefly on Friday, June 15! _

 

_ What songs do you think @Harry_Styles will perform at @LiveAtFirefly? Stay tuned for our livestream at 1 a.m. EST from the Firefly stage. _

 

“Motherfucker,” cursed Louis. He heard his friends tittering.

“What’s up, L? Realize you’re actually the prat who got it wrong?”

“I wish,” he muttered. Blinking at his phone several times, he turned it around and shoved it in his mates’ faces.

They all squinted against the glare at the screen and he saw their faces slacken. He looked away, focusing on the flies gathered around a nearby, overflowing trash bin.

“Mate …” said Oli. Louis shook his head.

“Did you know he was playing?”

Louis narrowed his eyes at Calvin.

“Yeah, this is the face of someone in the know,” he snapped. He sighed. “Sorry. No, I didn’t. Why the fuck would he be playing here anyway? Isn’t he on tour or something?”

Louis knew that Harry was on tour. Despite how much he hated to admit it — and would deny it if anyone asked him — he semi-regularly kept tabs on the other lad. It did not help that they also knew a lot of the same people, so he often heard about Harry’s whereabouts.

“Must be a break in the U.S. leg,” said Luke, taking Louis’ lighter from Calvin and lighting up.

“Bloody well must be.” There was a beat of silence. “Let’s get something to eat.”

Ignoring his friends’ hesitant looks, he began leading the way to where he knew food was located.

The thing was, Harry Styles was all right. He was better than all right — he and Louis had dated from 2013 until 2015.

_ Dated _ , scoffed Louis internally. They were deeply in love.

It was as cliché as every fairytale romance, too. Right down to how they got together.

 

_ ~Flashback~ _

_ “Welcome, Louis Tomlinson!” announced radio host Greg James. “Welcome to the show!” _

_ “Thanks for having me, mate,” said Louis, with a smile. _

_ “How was waking up this morning to join us in the studio? Bet you’re used to those crazy morning wakeups.” _

_ “You’d think so, but me hairdresser nearly threw a shoe at me to get me moving.” _

_ Greg laughed and Louis smiled good naturedly. All part of the show. _

_ “So tell me, Louis, you’re new to the industry.” _

_ “That’s right,” Louis confirmed. _

_ “What’s your plan? You’ve won X-Factor — proper star now — but what’s next? An album, perhaps? Playing some gigs?” _

_ “I hope so, yeah,” said Louis, taking time to consider his words. “I can’t give away too many details, but I’m definitely playing around with some lyrics, trying to find my sound. It’s all unbelievable, really, to think I was in uni only a couple of years ago.” _

_ “Now you’re off getting ready to take the world by storm!” exclaimed Greg, and he smiled. _

_ “Only if the world will have me.” _

_ “He’s humble, too,” said Greg, his voice low and mock-sultry in the mic. Louis laughed. “So tell me … any celebrity crushes?” Louis groaned. “My show, lad. I make the rules.” _

_ “I bet you say that to all the guests,” smirked Louis, causing Greg to throw his head back. _

_ “Seriously, though, are you seeing anyone? Unattached?” _

_ Louis spared a glance at his team in the corner, but they did not register any reaction. He knew where they stood on his personal life — he could be out as a gay man, but he should keep it discrete. He internally rolled his eyes at the thought, as if they expected him to suck some bloke off on stage when he performed. _

_ “I’m not seeing anyone,” he confirmed, easily. _

_ “So, tell us your celebrity crush, then!” Louis bit his lip. _

_ “You’re not going to give up until I tell you, yeah?” Greg hummed his approval. “Fine, if it’ll get you to shut up … I reckon I’ll say Harry Styles.” _

_ Greg’s eyes bugged out. To Louis’ fear, a look of glee appeared on his face. _

_ “Young Mr. Styles, eh?” Greg said with a wicked grin. “What do you like best about him?” _

_ “Ehm …” Louis felt like a deer in headlights. “He’s got a nice smiles. Eyes, too. Plus —” _

_ “Yeah?” Greg prodded, eagerly. _

_ “It’s lovely how supportive he is for everyone. Most people … they talk a good game about loving everyone and wanting people to be who they are, but few actually show they mean it. It’s nice to see so many fans of his being able to embrace who they are at his shows.” _

_ “That’s lovely, mate,” said Greg. “I’ve got good news for you.” _

_ “What?” said Louis warily. _

_ “As luck would have it, I actually have him on speed dial.” _

_ “Don’t even think about it,” said Louis quickly. _

_ “Too late.” Louis could hear his heart pounding in his ears as the dial tone rang. After three rings, he was about to exhale thinking that Harry would not pick up. However, on the fourth, he heard a click. _

_ “Hello?” said a raspy voice. _

_ Louis’ heart nearly stopped. _

_ “Hello, Harry Styles! You’re on the Radio 1 Breakfast Show! It’s me, Greg!” _

_ “I knew I recognized that manly voice,” chuckled Harry. “What’s going on, man?” _

_ Louis thought that he was going to pass out. Harry Styles was on the phone and Greg was about to tell him that Louis had an embarrassing crush on him. Harry Styles, who won the X-Factor two years before him. Harry Styles, who was linked to a string of female models. Though, in Louis’ experiences, he took little stock in what the tabloids wrote. After all, they also tried to convince everyone that he was going to be a father with some no-name. _

_ “I’m here with Mr. Louis Tomlinson,” said Greg, grinning broadly. “You remember Louis, yeah? He was on X-Factor two years after you? All pin-stripes and bright red braces?” _

_ “I haven’t worn that in over a year,” corrected Louis, groaning. He heard Harry chuckle again. _

_ “I remember,” said Harry, causing Louis’ eyes to pop out. “Hi Louis.” _

_ “H-Hi,” he stammered, not believing he was talking to Harry right now. The star of many fantasies that he would deny if anyone asked about them. _

_ “Louis, here, told me something interesting that I thought was worth sharing,” continued Greg. Louis shot him daggers. “Louis, would you care to proceed or should I?” _

_ Louis was silent, shaking his head vehemently. Harry cleared his throat from the other line. _

_ “Don’t give him a hard time, Greg,” said Harry. Louis glanced at the phone in surprise. Harry’s voice sounded surprisingly serious despite the supposed lighthearted nature of the call. “I was already listening when you called.” _

_ “You … You were?” said Louis. _

_ “Yeah, I’m flattered, mate. About it all. That stuff you said … means a lot. So, thank you.” _

_ “Yeah, of course,” said Louis quickly, feeling his face burning. _

_ “Alright, I’m getting the notice that our time is nearly up. Any last words, Harry?” _

_ Although Harry’s next words were said in less than ten seconds, they felt like a lifetime for Louis. _

_ “Next time we’re both in London we should hang out, Louis.” _

_ “Yeah, definitely,” said Louis, staring at Greg in disbelief. Greg just winked at him. _

_ “Goodbye Harry!” _

_ ~End Flashback~ _

 

From there, everything about them was a whirlwind. It turned out, Harry was back in London a mere week later and they went to get a coffee. Immediately, Louis’ social media was sent into overdrive and was bombarded by teenage girls to young women to middle-aged women all talking about how cute the exchange was on the Breakfast Show.

For the following two years, he and Harry became unbelievably close. It was not long before Harry asked him out properly and they began learning the ins and outs of each other in every sense. Louis learned that Harry’s image was, like he suspected, a product of a homophobic industry and equally oppressive team. He also learned that Harry was fiercely protective of those closest to him. If he could keep attention off of them by staying in the foreground, he would do so without a second thought.

It was good while it was great. Still, he thought as he put ketchup on his hot dog, two industry figures who became a power couple overnight was more than they could handle at the time.

 

_ ~Flashback~ _

_ “Damn it, Harry, stop pushing me away!” he shouted, frustrated. _

_ “Who’s pushing you away?” said Harry, his voice low. “You’ve done a fine job of that, alone.” _

_ “I can’t help it that our schedules don’t align,” snapped Louis. “Do you think I want to go to fucking Argentina tomorrow? Don’t you think I miss you like hell when you’re not next to me?” _

_ “You’ll be fine,” shrugged Harry. “Besides, you’ll have your radio tour and I’ll have my string of models to keep me warm at night.” _

_ “You know I didn’t mean it like that,” insisted Louis. “I’m just — they know we’re together and they still link you to anyone who is female with a pulse! It’s … it’s …” _

_ “Infuriating? Humiliating? Homophobic?” listed Harry. “Feel free to jump in at any point if you find a word that doesn’t place the blame on me.” _

_ Louis rubbed his face. _

_ “I’m not trying to blame you, Haz. Really, I’m not. I just wish things could be different.” _

_ “Don’t we all.” Harry kicked his suitcase. The other man turned around, walking to the window. _

_ “Don’t do that,” Louis warned. _

_ “Don’t do what?” _

_ “That thing where I know there’s something on your mind, but you won’t talk about it. I’m not made of porcelain, Harry. I want this to work between us. It’s like you’re ready to throw in the towel.” _

_ Harry simply turned around and looked at him, his eyes glassy. Louis felt his blood run cold. _

_ “No …” he croaked. _

_ “Louis —” _

_ “Stop it!” Louis shouted. “Why are you doing this?” _

_ “It’s not your fault, Louis, I know that. I just can’t … it hurts too damn much when we’re apart for so long, but I think I could manage that if it weren’t for the things they say about us.” _

_ “Stop listening,” Louis implored, feeling tears on his cheeks. He did not care, though. “I’ve told you over and over again to stop listening to what others have to say. They don't matter.” _

_ “I’m sorry, Louis,” said Harry, pulling at his hair. _

_ It infuriated Louis how calm and pseudo-rational Harry was acting about what he was ending. Louis wanted to scream. He wanted to punch a wall. He wanted … he wanted … _

_ He wanted to be with Harry. _

_ “What can I do?” Louis pleaded. “What can we do to fix this?” _

_ Another obvious answer came to mind, but Harry shook his head and Louis nodded as well. No, neither one of them could give up their career. That wasn’t love. That was sacrifice. _

_ “I love you so much,” said Louis, his voice cracking. _

_ He crumbled when he felt Harry’s arms wrap around him, holding him up. If possible, he began sobbing harder when he felt drops of water land on the top of his head. _

_ “I love you, too, Lou,” Harry whispered into his hair. His voice was thick with emotion. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving you.” _

 

_ ~End Flashback~ _

 

“You alright, mate?” asked Calvin.

Louis blinked and looked at his best mate. Calvin looked concerned, so he plastered on a smile. He knew that he was transparent, though.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Louis questioned, firmly. “Live music, booze … it’s the dream, yeah?”

Calvin fixed him with a look.

“I was there,” said Calvin, and Louis swallowed. “I remember how torn up you were. How you still get when he’s mentioned.”

“It is what it is,” Louis shrugged. “He’s moved on. So have I.”

Calvin looked at him skeptically.

“You’ve never listened to his music, have you?”

Louis stared back blankly.

“No,” he said, simply. “I haven’t.”

 

***

 

Nightfall came quicker than Louis would have preferred. Before he knew it, they were headed to the Firefly stage for Arctic Monkeys set.

Louis found that he was having a hard time concentrating, though. The music was great and his mates were doing all they could to keep his mind from wandering. Still, he could feel his anxiety bubbling to the surface as the band neared the end of their set.

“We’re gonna head back to the tents to get another pack and then meet up with some girls,” said Luke. “You coming?”

Louis hesitated. The smarter, more practical side of him told him to go with his mates. To not stick around like he planned. Still …

“No, I think I’ll hang around,” he said. He gave the others a look when they looked at him with pitying gazes. “Don’t think I’m above substituting your shampoo with mayo, lads.”

Finally, the others left and his set ended. As the original crowd thinned out, Louis found himself moving closer to the side of the stage before the younger crowd arrived.

 

***

 

“He’s about to come on, I can see him!” screeched a female voice.

Louis’ heart started pounding as rock-sounding music began. Louis’ mouth felt dry, so he took a long sip of water to busy himself.

 

_ She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes _

_ Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect _

_ And all the boys, they were saying they were into it _

_ Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck _

 

There he was; exactly how Louis remembered him.

Well, that was not entirely true.

Physically, he looked different. Since 2015, Harry had cut his hair for a role in a Christopher Nolan film and he was broader; more defined.

Despite these changes, though, he still seemed inexplicably  _ Harry _ . He still attracted attention when he entered the room. Sure, his stage presence was more confident, but there was always an element of that even before they went their separate ways.

 

_ It's New York, baby, always jacked up _

_ Holland Tunnel for a nose, it's always backed up _

_ When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus _

_ In a black dress, she's such an actress _

 

The song was something else, but what was more remarkable was how in his element Harry was as he sang it. He was posing and running all over the stage, and if Louis didn’t know better, he would think Harry believed he was in his own living room and no one else was watching him.

 

_ She sits beside me like a silhouette _

_ Hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet _

_ And now she's all over me, it's like I paid for it _

_ It's like I paid for it, I'm gonna pay for this _

 

The song continued and as it neared its end, Louis found himself staring at the audience. They were all losing their minds, dancing along. Then, when Harry did a whale-like spitting of water, there was an eruption of cheering screams.

“Hello, Firefly!” shouted Harry. “How are you tonight?”

Cheers were his response.

“My name is Harry and I’m from England …”

Louis couldn’t help but smile. Still the same Harry.

“I’ll be performing several songs for you tonight. I do have a couple of rules, though”

“First, I want to thank you all for staying awake for me. I know I’ve got a tough act to follow with Arctic Monkeys, so I appreciate each and every single one of you for being with me tonight.”

“Second, I want to thank Firefly for having me. This is an incredible lineup this weekend, and I’m honored to be headlining with such huge names.”

“Lastly, my job is to perform for you and your job is to have the time of your life.” More cheers. “Please feel free to be whoever you want to be tonight and to do whatever makes you happiest in the world.”

Louis felt like his ear drums were going to burst, but those were second to his heart. It was so long since he had heard Harry’s voice — he hadn’t let himself listen to interviews — and he was still as kind as ever.

Before he had much time to dwell on it, Harry was introducing his next song.

“This is a song that I wrote that didn’t make my last album. This is called ‘Medicine.’”

Louis’ eyes widened as red lights beamed down on Harry, but that was nothing compared to his face when Harry began singing.

 

_ Here to take my medicine, take my medicine _

_ Treat you like a gentleman _

_ Give me that adrenaline, that adrenaline _

_ Think I'm gonna stick with it _

_   
_ _ Here to take my medicine, take my medicine _

_ Rest it on your fingertips _

_ Up to your mouth, feeling it out _

_ Feeling it out _

 

Louis’ mouth felt dry as Harry practically moaned the last part. He was treating that microphone like a —

 

_ Tingle running through my bones, fingers to my toes _

_ Tingle running through my bones _

_ The boys and the girls are in _

_ I mess around with him _

_ And I'm OK with it _

 

Louis never felt so hot and bothered over a song. Clearly, though, the crowd was loving it and while part of him could not believe Harry had not included the song on his album, he understood.

Not much had changed in the way of Harry’s image over the last two and a half years. He was still marketed as a womanizer and many people still treated him as though he was heterosexual.

A song about performing oral sex was a far cry from straight.

 

_ I had a few, got drunk on you and now I'm wasted _

 

The lights momentarily went down and then came back bright and blaring as Harry danced around his microphone stand.

 

_ If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive _ _   
_ _ You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it _ _   
_ _ You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh _ _   
_ _ La la la la la _ _   
_ __ You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh

 

The lights went down again and Louis found himself cheering with the rest of the crowd, whooping and hollering. He knew he should try to keep a low profile, but he could not help himself.

Harry had that effect on him.

 

“Thank you!” came Harry’s voice as the lights went up again. “We’re going to slow it down for a bit. I wrote this song during … a pretty difficult time in my life. I didn’t release it until last year, though. If you know the words, please do sing along.”

 

_ If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you _

_ I think I might give up everything, just ask me to _

_ Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down _

_ Right now I'm completely defenseless _

 

Louis felt like he might pass out. He was getting a better indication of why Calvin asked him if he had listened to any of Harry’s recent music.

 

_ I've got scars even though they can't always be seen _

_ And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing _

_ Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down _

_ Right now I'm completely defenseless _

 

Louis felt his eyes fill with tears. He had no idea that Harry felt this way during the end of their relationship. He was always so guarded, always so closed and at time emotionally unavailable when it came to talking about his emotions.

Despite his sadness at the lyrics, Louis felt the anger that’s manifested after the relationship ended rear its head again. If Harry had just  _ talked _ to him —

 

_ Know that I'm just wasting time _

_ And I hope that you don't run from me _

 

Harry went silent, yet the crowd kept screaming. He watched as Harry put his finger up to his lips, shushing the crowd. Although some continued to scream, mostly everyone fell silent,

“Shhh,” Harry said, scanning the crowd. Suddenly, his eyes fell directly on Louis and he froze.

As time stood still, Louis was impressed at himself for maintaining a steady gaze. He could feel other gazes on him as well and the whispers began to increase.

Seeming to realize his mistake, Harry cleared his throat.

 

_ For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart _

_ For when you're lonely and forget who you are _

_ I'm missing half for me when we're apart _

_ Now you know me, for your eyes only _

 

As the song wrapped up, Harry’s eyes continued to flick back to him. He swallowed. His brain told him that he was making a mistake by coming.

“Thank you,” said Harry, quietly.

After that, Harry still engaged with the crowd, but Louis could tell that he was partially somewhere else. He could tell that the audience noticed it, too, because he was being shot dirty looks.

“Louis, you should get going …” said his security guard, John. Louis shook his head.

“I need to talk to him,” said Louis before he realized what he was saying.

“Louis —“

“Please, John.”

He could see John’s doubtfulness written on his face. After a few moments, John said:

“I know his head security. I’ll give him a call.”

“I have two more songs for you,” said Harry, and Louis returned his attention to him. “I wrote this next one several years ago. It’s one that I hold close to my heart.”

 

_ Same lips red, same eyes blue _

_ Same white shirt, couple more tattoos _

_ But it's not you and it's not me _

_ Tastes so sweet, looks so real _

_ Sounds like something that I used to feel _

_ But I can't touch what I see _

 

Louis never imagined what it would be like to have a song written about you, but to only realize it once the relationship was long over.

The rest of the song felt like he was watching from outside of his body. He swore he saw Harry blink to keep his tears at bay and the thought of that was excruciating enough for him.

When the song ended, Louis exhaled. He glanced at John who gave him a nod. Now, it was just up to Harry as to whether he would talk to him or not.

“Sadly, we’ve reached the final song of the show.” The crowd let out a mix of screams and “No’s.” “I would like to thank you once again for coming out to see me. I don’t get to do this if you don’t come. If I do, they call me a narcissist.”

Louis chuckled, despite himself.

“This last song is actually a cover that’s close to my heart. I wasn’t sure if I was going to perform the cover tonight, but I think you’ve earned it.”

More cheers erupted as Harry stepped back, swapping his guitar for another one. When Louis looked at the screens, he could see there was a rainbow sticker, two Black Lives Matter stickers and two “End Gun Violence” stickers.

“Please sing along.”

As Harry began strumming the opening chords, Louis was brought back to a different night when things were still perfect.

 

_ ~Flashback~ _

_ “Please, Haz? You know I love when we sing it.” _

_ “Lou, you always do this. You know I’m spent after we …” Harry trailed off with a giggle. _

_ Louis rolled his eyes. _

_ “I love how raspy your voice is,” Louis insisted. He widened his eyes in the way he knew Harry could not resist. “Please?” _

_ “You’re the worst.” He grinned. _

_ “But you love me.” _

_ “I do,” Harry admitted, easily, making Louis’ heart flutter. “Always will.” _

_ Louis cuddled into him, taking a deep breath. The first part was his. _

 

**_Looks like we made it_ **

**_Look how far we've come my baby_ **

**_We mighta took the long way_ **

**_We knew we'd get there someday_ **

**_They said, "I bet they'll never make it"_ **

**_But just look at us holding on_ **

**_We're still together still going strong_ **

 

_ He felt Harry tighten his hold around his bare waist as the lanky boy joined him for the chorus. _

 

**_You're still the one I run to_ **

**_The one that I belong to_ **

**_You're still the one I want for life_ **

**_(You're still the one)_ **

**_You're still the one I love_ **

**_The only one I dream of_ **

**_You're still the one I kiss good night_ **

 

_ He felt chills run down his spine as Harry kissed him softly. Then, Harry’s deeper voice began his own part of the song. _

 

**_Ain't nothin' better_ ** **_  
_ ** **_We beat the odds together_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I'm glad we didn't listen_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Look at what we would be missin'_ ** **_  
_ ** **_They said, "I bet they'll never make it"_ ** **_  
_ ** **_But just look at us holdin' on_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_We're still together still goin' strong_

 

_ As they continued together, Louis wished that he could freeze time and stay in that moment forever. _

_ ~End Flashback~ _

 

Louis came back to the present moment just as Harry was concluding the song, his eyes closed.

 

_ I'm so glad we made it _

_ Look how far we've come my baby _

 

He inhaled sharply as Harry looked at him sadly. The song ended then and the moment was over as quickly as it came and Harry blew kisses to the crowd of hysterical fans.

“Thank you, I’ll see you all soon! Have a good night!”

He watched as Harry ran off the stage, letting himself be corralled by John to the backstage area.

 

***

 

After a few moments of waiting, he was given the go-ahead to enter Harry’s dressing area. He felt his throat become as dry as sandpaper. He still had no idea what possessed him to do this, but …

No, he needed closure. That’s what this was for.

When Harry ended their relationship, it was not unlike deleting a phone contact. Suddenly, Harry was out of his life and he was forced to remember who he was before Harry entered his life.

His mates and his mother — as well as his oldest younger sister Lottie — were the ones who were there to pick up the pieces and make him whole again. They were the ones who stayed up late into the night when he was sure that he was going to suffocate from the loneliness.

They were also the ones who would think he was mental for even wanting to look in Harry’s general direction now.

Finally, he reached out and after taking a deep breath, knocked on the door to Harry’s bus.

“Come in.”

He opened the door and stepped inside. As he looked around, he noted the dark room that was accentuated by brighter decorations. The couch was adorned with brightly patterned pillows and there were scented candles on several flat surfaces.

Eventually, he let his eyes settle on Harry for the first real time.

Harry had swapped his frilly blouse and flared pants for a simple black T-shirt and billowy striped pants. Due to the T-shirt, Harry’s tattoos were on full display. He had gotten many more since they had last seen each other, including words like “Arlo” and “Jackson.”

His hair, like he already saw, was shorter. It was growing, though. It was getting springier and his curls were much more defined than pap photos he had seen in the past.

His eyes, though. They were the most notable difference. They were solemn, even sad. Louis wanted nothing more than to go over to him, take him in his arms and never leave again.

Even with these thoughts invading his consciousness, he still held onto his own sadness and anger by how things were left between them all those years ago.

“Hi,” said Harry. Louis pursed his lips.

“ _ Hi _ ?” he mimicked. “Really, Harry?”

“Last I checked, it’s still the traditional form of greeting,” said Harry, his voice suddenly harder.

“Yeah, maybe for strangers.”

“Isn’t that what we are now? I haven’t seen you in two and a half years, Louis. Then out of nowhere you show up at my gig and demand to see me.”

“I didn’t demand,” snapped Louis. “You could have made an excuse and left without a word.”

“I know you better than that  — you would have found me some other way.”

“So, not strangers, then.”

Now it was Harry’s turn to purse his lips.

“What do you want, Louis? I’m guessing you didn’t come here to have this back-and-forth.”

“I came to see Arctic Monkeys, I didn’t know you were performing,” Louis said, changing direction. “Not until I checked Twitter and saw everyone losing their goddamn mind.”

“So why did you stay?”

Louis crossed his arms defensively. He was silent for a moment.

“I was curious,” he admitted. “I haven’t let myself follow your career closer than when people brought you up in conversation. My mate, Calvin —”

“Yeah, I remember him,” said Harry, suddenly. Louis ignored him.

“— He had asked me if I had heard any of your newer music. I told him I hadn’t, but I wasn’t sure why he was asking. Then you sang ‘If I Could Fly’ and ‘Two Ghosts.’”

He watched as Harry swallowed, the other man’s Adam’s Apple bobbing.

“I wrote them before we broke up,” said Harry, unnecessarily. “I … It was too soon to release them immediately, though. Especially since they aren’t break up songs and I never wanted people to think that they are. Besides, they felt too personal and were too raw at the time.”

Harry was rambling; he did that when he was nervous. Louis always found it endearing, even though Harry would get embarrassed by it.

“I came here because I needed closure,” said Louis.

“Closure,” Harry repeated. Louis was aggravated by Harry’s confused expression.

“It just  _ ended _ , Harry,” he said, angrily. “All of a sudden everything we had … everything I knew … it was gone and I had to figure out who I could be when I wasn’t next to you.”

“We were having problems,” said Harry. “It’s not like it was completely —”

Louis stomped his foot on the ground and Harry fell silent.

“Damn it, Harry, stop it. Just  _ stop it _ !” he shouted. “I’m the one who needs the closure, so just shut the hell up and let me talk.”

When Harry did not say anything, he took a deep breath. He pinched the inner corners of his eyes to keep the tears at bay.

“When you left, you took a part of me, too. I don’t care how cliché it sounds. I had never felt about anyone the way that I felt about you and when you just said that it wasn’t go to work it felt like I was more invested. It felt like everything we ever had or ever were was one-sided and … that I wasn’t worth fighting all of the shit for.”

“I know we were young and I know we made the right call at the time,” he continued. He bit his lip. “Neither one of us should have to give up our careers to make it easier on the other. That’s not love and I know that. Still, I think that a part of me will always feel like you didn’t want to try because you were not only tired of the shit, but also of me holding you back.”

He let out a shuddering breath, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders and he tensed.

“Louis, please look at me,” pleaded Harry.

“I can’t,” he croaked.

“Why not?”

“I … I told myself I wouldn’t cry. Damn it, I didn’t want to cry.”

He felt Harry’s fingers latch onto his wrists and tug gently. Eventually, he gave in to the touch.

Harry’s eyes looked sadder than before, even slightly red as well. He had not stood so close to Harry in he did not know how long, and he found himself having difficulty breathing from being in such close proximity.

“I never wanted you to feel like you weren’t worth it, Lou,” Harry said. Louis sighed at the use of his old nickname. It still sounded good on Harry’s lips. “You were always more than worth it and I know it’s a lame cop out to say that it was me, but it was true.”

“Everything we had scared the hell out of me, but in the best possible way,” Harry continued. “I never wanted our moments alone to end. It was when everyone else got involved that I doubted how solid we were together. I know I was an idiot, but they got in my head even though you told me to ignore all of their bullshit.”

“I’m sorry, Louis,” Harry said, regretfully. “Those songs … and every other song were meant to be temporary. Songs that were sad, but ultimately had a happy endings because I was certain that we would always be together.”

“I swear, though, even though we haven’t seen each other in years, I haven’t stopped —”

“Don’t say it,” Louis begged.

“Loving you,” Harry finished.

Louis covered his eyes again.

“I shouldn’t have come,” he mumbled to himself. “This is going to kill me more than it’ll help.”

“I’m glad you came,” said Harry. “I’ve missed you so much, Louis. So much more than I could put into words. I think … you’ve missed me, too, based on your songs.”

“You’ve listened?” he said, glancing up in surprise. Harry nodded.

“It’s brilliant,” Harry said, and Louis blinked. “‘Miss You’ is my favorite. It kind of feels like an answering call to one of my other songs.”

Louis was unsure how to respond. He was aware that Harry’s hands were still touching him.

“Can we go outside?”

“What?”

“It’ll be pretty empty out there by now. Please? The stars will be beautiful.”

“I don’t know, Harry …”

Harry rolled his upper lip over his lower one and Louis felt his resolve weakening.

“Yeah, all right,” he heard himself saying.

“You sure?” Louis nodded.

“Yeah, let me just text John to let him know.”

 

***

 

“These were always my favorite moments,” said Harry. “Just you, me and the moon.”

“And a couple thousand tweaked out concert goers,” said Louis, dryly. Harry snorted.

“They’re all just background noise.”

He glanced over at Harry. The pair of them were laying on their backs on the grass.

“I still can’t believe you wrote those songs,” said Louis, softly. “They were beautiful.”

“Thank you,” said Harry, shyly. “I have another that … never mind.”

“Uh-uh,” Louis said, shaking his head. “You don’t get to play that game. What is it?”

“It’s … it’s a lot, Louis. The song … the title …”

“Google exists, Harold. I’ll find it one way or another.”

Harry sighed.

“It’s called ‘Sweet Creature,’” Harry eventually said. “I wrote it a while after we broke up. It’s not a breakup song, but it talks a lot about what we were going through at our most difficult moments.”

“Will you sing it for me?” Louis asked. Harry hesitated. “Or you could play it for me.”

“I … I can sing it.”

Louis waited as Harry laid flat on his back and cleared his throat.

 

_ Sweet creature _

_ Had another talk about where it's going wrong _

_ But we're still young _

_ We don't know where we're going _

_ But we know where we belong _

 

_ And oh we started _

_ Two hearts in one home _

_ It's hard when we argue _

_ We're both stubborn _

_ I know, but oh _

 

Louis repressed the urge to sigh. He could hear it. All of their late night arguments. The ones that were Academy Award worthy. The ones where small items were thrown and doors were slammed in utter frustration. He also remembered the nights when he laid on his side crying as Harry laid next to him. During those moments, it felt like they were millions of miles apart.

 

_ Sweet creature, sweet creature _

_ Wherever I go, you bring me home _

_ Sweet creature, sweet creature _

_ When I run out of road, you bring me home _

 

_ Sweet creature _

_ We're running through the garden _

_ Oh, where nothing bothered us _

_ But we're still young _

_ I always think about you and how we don't speak enough _

 

Those last lines felt particularly meaningful for Louis. They didn’t speak enough. Sure, they spent plenty of time together where they could and they spoke every day, but they also had plenty of obvious silences. The ones when they laid in bed and Louis knew Harry was awake because he was not snoring softly. The ones when they ate dinner and although they were holding hands and looking at each other, Louis felt like Harry was going to float away.

 

_ And oh we started _

_ Two hearts in one home _

_ I know, it's hard when we argue _

_ We're both stubborn _

_ I know, but oh _

 

_ Sweet creature, sweet creature _

_ Wherever I go, you bring me home _

_ Sweet creature, sweet creature _

_ When I run out of road, you bring me home _

 

Harry’s voice faded off and Louis turned to look at him again.

“Thank you, Haz.”

“For what?” said Harry, furrowing his eyebrows cutely.

“I don’t know,” said Louis honestly. “For sharing the song with me. For writing it. Maybe if I had listened to it, I wouldn’t have held onto the bitterness for as long as I did. Maybe I would have moved on with my life.”

“Would you absolutely hate me if I said I’m glad you didn’t because it meant I could see you?”

“No, because a part of me is glad that I didn’t, too.”

He closed his eyes when Harry’s hand brushed the fringe off of his forehead. He missed his touch so much during the last couple of years.

“Louis, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You said, ‘Maybe I would have moved on with my life.’ Does that mean …?”

Louis closed his eyes and swallowed. He understood Harry’s unasked question.

He opened his eyes and looked at Harry. His eyes darted to Harry’s pink lips, still visible even in the dark. He watched as Harry licked them and then pinch them with his pointer finger and thumb. It was a nervous habit he knew Harry had always done.

“Yes,” said Louis. He slid closer to Harry, hesitance in his movements. When Harry did not recoil, he took that as a positive sign.

“You’re unattached?” Louis confirmed. He needed to know that for certain.

“Yes,” Harry exhaled. “You?” Louis nodded.

“Ever since that night.”

Before Harry could reply, Louis closed the gap between them. He pressed his lips to Harry’s own, the pair slotting together like no time had passed.

He sighed into the kiss, feeling the natural movement of Harry’s lips moving against his own. Harry whimpered lowly, which was always Louis’ favorite part of their physical relationship. The other man was always so incredibly responsive to all of his moves.

Throwing caution to the fact that they were in a relatively exposed area, Louis swung his leg over Harry so that he was straddling the younger man. He ground his crotch down against Harry’s, causing the latter to let out a moan. Louis felt the noise go straight to his core.

After several moments, they finally broke apart. Louis rested his forehead against Harry’s.

“I’ve missed that,” Harry whispered, and Louis chuckled.

“Kissing you always was my favorite,” Louis admitted. Harry scoffed.

“Really? Because I remember quite vividly you begging me to fill you with my  —”

“Shut it!” Louis hissed, covering Harry’s mouth with his hand. He gave Harry an unimpressed look when Harry licked his hand. “I’ve got six younger siblings, Harold. I’m immune to those kinds of tactics.”

“The babies,” said Harry, slowly. “They’re not babies anymore.”

“No,” said Louis with a sad smile. “They’re four now.”

The corners of Harry’s mouth fell slightly. Louis kissed each of them.

“Hey,” said Louis. “Don’t look so sad.”

“I missed so much because I was a coward,” said Harry. Louis’ heart broke when he noticed Harry’s green eyes filling with tears. “The girls are all teenagers now. All grown up and ready to do their own thing. I should have seen that happening with you. I … I loved them like they were my own sisters.”

“I know,” said Louis, wiping Harry’s tears. “I always said that they preferred you to me.”

“Not possible,” said Harry. “They adore their older brother. How couldn’t they?”

Louis leaned down to peck him softly on the lips again. When he pulled back, he pushed himself onto his feet.

“Are you leaving?” said Harry, and Louis’ heart felt warm at the disappointment in his voice.

“I don’t have to,” said Louis, giving him a look. He laughed when Harry jumped to his feet.

“Oof, head rush,” said Harry, blinking several times.

“You’re such a dork,” he laughed, pinching Harry’s cheek. Harry swatted his hand away.

“Please, you wouldn’t change me for anything,” said Harry, dramatically. He grabbed Louis’ hand and began directing them back to his trailer.

Louis looked up at him, feeling the fondness seep through his entire body.

“That’s true.”

 

***

 

The next morning, Louis awoke to a series of texts from his mates. He had informed John of the situation and then sent them all a message saying he would see them in the morning. Of course, after he turned off his phone they had bombarded him with questioning messages.

“Looks like you’re going to have a fun conversation,” said Harry, groggily.

“Yeah,” sighed Louis. He pecked each of Harry’s four nipples, relishing when the younger man giggled. “I reckon it’s worth it, though.”

“Lou, stop,” Harry gasped. “You know — you know how —”

“Christ, you’re already hard,” snickered Louis. Harry groaned, covering his red face with his bicep. “You’re also built. Tell me again why you didn’t pin me against the wall and fuck me until I was bow-legged?”

“Are you  _ trying _ to make me come untouched?” inquired Harry. Louis guffawed. “Because keep talking like that and I’m pretty sure you’ll succeed.”

“Oh, yeah?” said Louis, lowering his voice. He swung a leg over Harry, grinding his bare ass against Harry’s cock. Harry let out a moan. “I forgot how much you enjoyed dirty talk.”

“I do,” said Harry, dumbly. Louis smiled.

“Want to ride you,” Louis whispered in Harry’s ear. Harry moaned. “Want to feel your giant cock inside and stretching me.”

Without warning, Louis swung his body around and after slicking up two of his own fingers, inserted them in himself.

“Fuck, Louis,” Harry grunted from behind him. “Look so good like this. Love seeing you bent over for me.”

“Yeah?” Louis gasped, reaching for one particular spot. “Bet you say that to all the boys.”

“Never,” said Harry. He felt Harry kiss the base of his spine and arched back. He heard Harry let out a breath when he added a third finger inside his ass.

“Harry,” he moaned. “Ready for you.”

“You sure?” Louis nodded. “Turn around, baby.”

Louis whimpered as he removed his fingers, already missing the friction. He pushed Harry down on his back again, sliding a condom onto him and coating him generously with lube.

“Going to make you feel so good, Lou,” promised Harry.

“I know, love,” said Louis. Without hesitation, Louis pushed down and they both threw their heads back in pure pleasure. By the time Harry was fully inside of him, he felt like he was stretched to the max.

“Fuck, I love you,” said Louis, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

Harry kissed his stomach.

“I love you, too, Lou. You ready?”

It was as though no time passed and they never fell out of sync. Harry’s thrusts met Louis’ bounces, the pair of them connecting their lips in a scorching kiss all the while.

“Never want to be apart again,” said Louis into Harry’s neck.

“Never,” repeated Harry. “Want to be with you, Lou. Don’t want to mess it up again.”

For a while, the only sounds heard were bed springs and skin slapping against skin. The obscene sounds only brought Louis closer to the edge embarrassingly quickly.

“I’m so close, Haz,” whimpered Louis. “I’m so —”

“Come, Lou,” Harry begged. Louis gasped into Harry’s mouth as Harry’s hand wrapped around his leaking cock. “Please come for me.”

Louis was not sure if it was the polite way Harry asked, the fact that they were back together again, the way Harry filled him up so perfectly or a combination of the three. Without warning, he was spilling between their stomachs with a guttural moan and Harry was helping him ride out his high. Moments later, he could feel the warmth of Harry’s come inside of the condom.

Louis never wanted that moment to end.

 

***

 

“So where do we stand?” said Louis. The two of them were dressed and Louis was getting ready to return to his mates. They were both showered — maybe or maybe not having another round in the small stall to test out the wall theory — and looked presentable again.

“I want to be with you,” said Harry, bluntly. “I know there’s no way of proving that anything has changed from the last time, but I experienced life without you after knowing you. I don’t want to experience that any longer.”

“I want to be with you, too,” said Louis, burrowing his fingers in Harry’s curls. “I want to make it work this time. We’re older; we know better. Sure, it’ll be hard, but it was always something worth fighting for and I think we know that now more than ever.”

Harry nodded and the two of them pressed their lips together. Sooner than he would have liked, Louis pulled away.

“I really have to go now,” he said, regretfully. “I’ll be back in London by Tuesday.”

“I’ll be there at the end of the week,” Harry nodded. “You still at the same number?”

“Yeah,” Louis blinked. “You still have it.” Harry shrugged.

“There wasn’t a point in deleting it. I never would have forgotten it. Or you.”

“You sap,” said Louis, but with no malice. “I love you, Haz. Have a safe trip back.”

“I love you, too, Lou. We’ll see each other again in a week.”

Louis smiled, kissing Harry on the lips again.

“I’ll see you first in my dreams.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @Harry1994Photos
> 
> Tweet me fic requests!


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